I bought some new gloves at Muji last week and they’re awesome. Super soft, fuzzy, warm and just thin enough to still be useful while you’re wearing them. Sure I fumble around, drop change all the time and have enormous troubles fitting my tickets into the slots at the station, but I tend do this regardless of whether I’m wearing gloves or not. It doesn’t keep me up at night. Although I am very chuffed with my new gloves I will admit that I have discovered a fatal flaw: they are made of a funky material that seems to actively seek out Velcro to adhere itself to. Like superglue. From hell.

It’s uncanny; you’ll be fiddling with something in your bag and suddenly you’ll realise that the entire bag is moving along with your hand. So you shake it and pull it and attempt to remove the bag, the only result being ripping and tearing sounds from the bag’s seams. A fifteen minute operation to take both the gloves off, use all your strength to unstick the one on the Velcro, reseal the bag, rearrange your jacket and put your gloves back on follows. Only then will you realise that the other glove has now attached itself to your jacket and that there are fifteen Japanese children pissing themselves at the gaijin who apparently needs no help at all tying himself into knots.

I’m just scared that I’ll be riding in a crowded train, minding my own business, only to find that some fashion-envelope-pushing, Velcro-pant-wearing woman has wandered into sticking range and then BAM! Game over. The gloves have done their evil work and I’m left rotting in a Japanese prison for the rest of my miserable life.

Maybe they aren’t so super great after all.

Posted in Mwah on Monday December 12, 2005.

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