In Japan, you know Winter is almost upon you when the fucking kerosene truck begins its rounds, stopping to gargle obnoxiously loud jingles directly outside your window at least three times a week. I can imagine a great deal of thought goes into the routes these trucks take because I’m convinced they drive specific roads at specific times in order to noise-pollute the greatest area possible for the longest possible time. It’s like election season all over again, only with less white-gloved hand waving and more snowmen.

The worst is when it comes on a weekend morning. As you can hear it for a full half an hour or so before it actually arrives at your apartment, the jingle slowly worms its way into your pre-awakening doze and you start dreaming about snowmen being melted to death with walls of sound from enormous speakers playing that goddamned song. Then you wake with a start only to realize the truck is now sitting directly outside your window. Jingling.

I’m staggered if there wasn’t at least one case, somewhere in Japan, of a sleep deprived gaijin stomping out to one of these trucks, setting the driver on fire with his own kerosene and making him dance. Dance to the jingle. Oh yes. Yes.

Not that the thought ever crossed my mind.

Posted in Rant on Saturday December 3, 2005.

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