The idea came to me while I was watching The Simpsons with the third year oral communication class. Remember the episode where Homer’s half brother Herb gets rich again by inventing a baby translator? Well, that’s going to make me rich as well. Except it’s not going to be a baby translator, it’s going to be translator for the Japanese office speak that is bane of my existence. I’m thinking it could be a little tricky to get the initial rules down but after that, it’s all smooth sailing. Anyway, I’m well on my way to compiling a full list of Japanese officisms and their rough English translations.

Let me see, you’ve got “Aren’t you cold?” which I’ve found translates to “Although the weather is still warm, the offical date for still wearing short-sleeved shirts to work has come and gone, what the hell are you still wearing that short-sleeved shirt for you crazy gaijin” and then there’s “What did you do on the weekend?” which is code for “I have absolutely no interest in your social activities, however, a book I read in the 1960s specified that before I made a request of someone I should engage in social banter with the person I am about to make the request of. Can you mark the exams now?” and my personal favourite “That might be a little difficult” which, in other words, means “ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY???!!! That’s impossible. I can’t believe you even suggested that. Go sit in your chair and never talk to me again”. I think I’m onto a winner.

Posted in Japan on Thursday October 28, 2004.

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